Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
