My vagina just recognized that song.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
