Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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