what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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