I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
