OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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