How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
