this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
