I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
