I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
