So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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