Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
