I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
