3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
