Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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