i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Tornado booty call.. dedication
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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