I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
