That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
