I wish I could punch you in the face.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I need moral support for this bender
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
