what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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