oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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