If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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