So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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