i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
And then he peed in my hair
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