My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
