TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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