After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
BRING THE BAGELS
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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