i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
