we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
