i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
