If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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