12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
