They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
