my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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