i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
my poor anus
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
