The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
