she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
