My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
