I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
