you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
