I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
