How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
