I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Randomize
