I just threw up on my dentist
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
