Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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