all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
