it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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