I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
