Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
