I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
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