I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
