I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
